Recently I realized that not only did I fear failure, I fear success. So let’s set the mood. It’s 3 am and your having 3 am thoughts, life changing thoughts. The anxiety immobilizes me as I stare up at my ceiling. And I kept thinking how much It scared me to actually grow this blog. I thought about how much it scared me to think about making friendships and achieving my dreams. And I realized that I was afraid for being good at something and of other people liking me for that. Failure was a fear that I was use to especially for someone who deals with self doubt. I didn’t even know it was possible to fear success.
And for some reason, failure is more comfortable then success. I want to change that though. And the more I’ve been putting myself out there, the more I have been challenging my fears.
As a person who has dealt with self doubt and someone who is hard on themselves about almost everything, it can be hard picking myself up and telling myself to keep going. I don’t really know what I’m doing but I know I can’t give up.
There’s so many time wheres I just want to give up and quit and just not do the thing that I want to do. But, I have to remind myself to stay strong and continue.
My idea of success is achieving the things you set out to do. Sometimes I feel like I sabotage myself. As soon as I get close to completing or being good at something, then I come up with a excuse to stop.
My idea of failure is giving up at the first sign of a fight or struggle. I find it easier to give up, maybe because most things came easy to me growing up. I feel like I was never pushed past my comfort level. I had it easy in school academically and I never found a reason to push my self to do better in school and that same mentality has stayed. But now it’s time for that same mentality to die out.
So, I hope this blog succeeds, I hope I achieve all the thing I set out to do. I no longer want have these fears and be less than great. The goal is to be the best me I could ever be.
Fear or Success? Which do you choose?
Thanks for reading! Until next time, Sombia