To Love Someone?

When I was younger I used  the “big”  three words freely and openly. I love You. It was easy to love someone then, the world was magical and small. But these days I find myself asking,” can I feel LOVE?” And do I…. Feel LOVE? Although I have these thoughts, there’s a part of me that knows I do feel love.

I have passions, I have desires, and I love my dog!  I think love should be all consuming. That when you think of what it is or who it is that you love it almost makes you want to cry. I think love should feel like walking on water, almost holy.

Honestly I think I have a hard time trusting people with my feelings. I feel like I have confided in myself for so long that it’s really hard for me to connect with people. Hell, I find it hard to say I love you to my own mom. and when I do say it feels forced and it’s not that I don’t care about her, It’s  as if some part of me want to take my feelings and hide them somewhere I wouldn’t be able to find.

I am not the kind of person who wears her heart on her sleeve, instead I locked mine in the most intricate lock  and through away the instructions on a how to access it. I think I know the reason I don’t trust people with my heart, but I don’t care to share those at the moment. But I do know that I need to acknowledge them in order for my heart to open up. Then I can be free from this overbearing weight that holds me down every time I want to express how I feel.

Love doesn’t have to be something to hide away from people. Love should be open and free. It should be able to flow like water, fluid and replenishing. I want that.

I know one thing, I am going to start making this change by reaching into the flame of love and hoping I don’t get burned. I have to, It’s a need. In order for me to connect with people, I need to.

I going to start writing every day on how I feel, keeping a journal. I need to stay connected to my feelings. So that way I am not confused about any one or anything. And overall, I will be able to keep an I on my mental health, reflect on my feelings, and understand what it is that I am feeling.

 

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6 thoughts on “To Love Someone?

  1. Hi Sombia, I love reading your article! Love is gift. It’s feel great to love and be loved. But when you love, you can also expect pain because not all people will love you back. For now, you can focus on being great and loving yourself then eventually you will give it to someone who deserves it. Good luck and enjoy!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. So perhaps you put too much emphasis on the way you present your feelings of love?? I too used to say, “I love you” all the time. But Love doesnt have to present itself as a raging roaring loud river. It doesnt hove to be all consuming and Holy as you say. Rather love can be found in your actions towards others, no matter how small. Sometimes Love can be see in small moments where you are standing in line at the grocery and decide to buy that pack of M&Ms for your mom that you are about to see because you remember how much she loves to pick out the yellow ones.
    That moment of remembrance & action is a major showing of love even as simple as it is.
    Everyone is different. We all learn and showcase ourselves through different sensory modes.Many are verbal while others are Aural and listen well while even others are physical in the hugs we give. Find your greatest sensory mode and use that so showcase how to love someone.
    (all in my humble opinion)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I actually never though about it that way. I never consider getting something for someone , something that I knew they’d like was love. It’s one of those things I never think bout. I guess I’m not good at recognizing it. I really appreciate your comment opened my eyes a little.

      Like

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